New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login613757 members (5 yesterday), private messages


dogging.co.uk > Forums > The lounge > JOKES

 
See newest message in thread

JOKES

*uggyluggy By *uggyluggy   profile verified by photo (M)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Need cheering up! Let's have some of your best jokes (or worse)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Not a joke as such, but being in the building trade, a mate emailed me this...he thought I might like it...

This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race....................

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £5 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks on time.'

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

*uggyluggy By *uggyluggy   profile verified by photo (M)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Hahaha that put a grin on my face ??

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Pmsl Mr green

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Aye it made me smile too...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *erfs   profile verified by photo (M)(F  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

Talking of builders we had a tip off that someone was nicking equipment from one of our building sites, an investigation narrowed it down to one possible individual. So we instigated a search each night of all workers.

The guy in question was quite happy for us to go through his wheelbarrow of tools each night, and each time all his tools proved to be properly his, as it did with all the workers.

After that week he left. We did an inventory. We were missing 14 wheelbarrows. :-/

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact

I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police. They asked me:

'How did you find her body?' I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the

rigormortis had tightened her arse a bit too much for my liking'

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *onnor  (M)  over a year ago

@private mail, +add as contact


"Not a joke as such, but being in the building trade, a mate emailed me this...he thought I might like it...

This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race....................

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £5 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks on time.'

"

I think that first appeared in Bill Bryson's book 'Down Under.' It's full of wonders like that!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

Add a new message to this topic

0.0156

0