@private mail,
+add as contact I can tell you as someone who has kept himself in trim for a number of years, that some of the advice previously posted will only add to your woes and that if you follow my routine, then you will never suffer again.
As you will have heard, the best possible place to perform the delicate art of gliding a stiff unforgiving object, (the razor) across a soft, malleable, non uniform, tender shape (yer nuts) is the shower.
Completely wrong!
Now to my point. Do not shave your tadger and accessories in the shower (despite the general advice) because the increase in temperature will have made them sag and be as easy to handle as unbeaten egg whites, instead, get them as cold as possible and you will find that they are much easier to handle.
Can I suggest that the best place to shave your Gonads is in your local fast food shop.
This is what you do:-
Pack your razor into your pocket along with no more than £4.00, drive down to your local MacDonalds/Burgerking/KFC and purchase a happy meal.
Exchange the standard coke for a thick shake or better still a slush puppy and ask them to serve your drink first and hold the bun.
Take your thick shake and ensuring the coast is clear, nip into the toilets and after whipping the top off your drink, plunge your nuts into the thick shake, the severe cold will instantly make them shrink and tighten and therefore easier to handle and shave, you will have the added benefit that the thick liquid will act as a very passable shaving foam thus further aiding your quest.
You may encounter a problem with posture in the toilet as the cubicles are small, (they were not designed with shaving in mind) however if you sit on the pan with the lid down and put one foot up on the door bolt and stretch the other across to the giant loo roll holder, you will find yourself in a position where your legs are akimbo and your now shrunken gonads, exposed and as hard as a golf ball. Now your task is simple......shave away.
Once you have finished shaving, you should again plunge your gleaming sack into the cooling liquid which also acts as a balm. Dry yourself, dress yourself, replace your drinks lid and return to the counter to collect your meal.
As you will see you have now killed two birds with one stone you have shaved and lunched at the same time.
You may even have had the happy benefit of collecting a two for one voucher in which case you could take a friend on your next visit,
OR you could open your shake at the counter and show them the hairs in there and demand that you want a new shake and your meal for free.
The choice to drink your drink, or to give it to a stranger, saying you are too full to drink it, is yours and really is dependant on your mood for the day.
P.S. remember to shower when you get home otherwise your meat and veg will remain Strawberry/Chocolate/Vanilla/Banana flavoured.
I hope that my advice is of use to you and that you view your next trip to get an Egg McMuffin, not as a chore, but as an opportunity. |
